Perspective/ projections

-Oh, she was the sweetest person you’d ever meet. Stubborn like a mule but with a good heart and kind spirit. Opinionated, always wanted to have the last word, not exactly adept at the adult game … you know … she had so much potential in her … try as she might, she would always come across as immature and unfit for a grown-up. She was my daughter, mind you! I gave birth to her, I nurtured her, I watched her become a woman yet she never really peaked. She would be in such a continuous state of … how should I put it … (long pause) she was never a disappointment, don’t get me wrong, well … maybe except for that one time, it’s just that … I just wish she could have got married and have kids and build a home and be a wife and mother and care for her own. She just adored children, I tell you! ever since she was 5 or 6 she would just go and hug and play with all the kids on the playground. It was as if she fed off their energy and felt the desire to offer her love to all the other children.

-She was incredibly assertive. It took her a while to get there, therapy helped her, but she was the most sincere and honest person I know. She was my best friend, my good friend, my companion, my confidante and the human I would always turn to because I knew she would never judge. Well, maybe except for that one time …. I just can’t wrap my head around the thought that she is gone. It is just impossible to comprehend how such an amazing and optimistic soul is no longer a resident of this planet. She had such a wicked sense of humour, my God, we understood each other effortlessly, she would always laugh at my jokes and we would always watch the same TV shows. All our pop culture references, all our inside puns, the way she would say “I’m here, no matter what, I got your back, just be careful and know that I love you no matter what!” … I just can’t process that, my compassionate, loving, unique best friend is gone!

-The best co-worker you could have asked for, seriously. Though it did take some time for her to open up, I always knew she was a sweet, smart girl with a heart of gold. She really loved her mother and treasured her friends. She would talk non-stop about them, she was so proud of them and relished their happiness and good fortunes. Always ready to lend a hand, maybe boastful on occasions but just in the right dose. Analytical and understanding of the concept of “space”. Such a loss, I will miss her terribly.

-My sister was one of the smartest people I know. She helped with my homework when we were kids, taught me some basic rules about what is right and wrong and just … it’s just hard to put into words how much I will miss her. I just wish I could have known her better, I knew she was going through a transition period and I figured out I would have plenty of time to spend with her and pick her brains after she got her shit sorted out and now ….

-Hi, everyone. The truth is the deceased was someone who loved you all very much but she also had some issues with you folks.

-Wait, who are you? and why do you speak like this about someone who can’t defend herself? how did you know her?

-I’m her therapist.

-Oh, so YOU are the therapist. And what makes you think you knew my daughter so well?

-For starters, she always talked to me about everything that was on her mind. She was trying to understand her life, her decisions, her path. She was confused and scared and uncertain about many aspects of her existence. She never wanted to make you upset, she was a devoted daughter but she wished you would see her for who she was. She was much more brave than what you gave her credit for, she was a bright young girl with a very active imagination and an even more active self doubt. She could definitely take care of herself and be an independent individual. I can’t tell you the number of times she showed you just how well you trained her for adulthood. You just did not want to see it and that caused much pain to her. She had her tools for dealing with life and was very proud of the friendships she had made. She never took for granted her friends, loved spending time with you and making you laugh. She felt seen, appreciated, and understood by you but at times she felt she needed to get away from you and just be alone and left alone. Yes, she loved all of you dearly, she might not always showed you this in a comprehensible way but she adored the time spent in your presence. She said it was the way she recharged. She was definitely proud of her brother and of the man he turned up to be yet she felt a bit isolated from him and did not know how to bridge that gap. I am so very sorry for the pain you are faced with right now and all I ask is that you think of her as someone who needed to be around humans, positive humans, good humans, people who share the same values as her but most importantly people who do not judge her, who do not say to her “I just had other expectations from you” or “I think you need more time to grow up”. We all need time to grow up and as we take the time to do that, let’s not forget that we are all doing our best. Ella did her best with the life that was given to her and it’s a shame life was cut short for her and we are all left with the horrible question of “I wonder what she would be like today, I wonder if she would be proud of the life she made for herself”.

Advertisements

Author: Sam Mountjoy

Bun gasit la locul meu de joaca! Eu sun Sam si, dupa lupte seculare care au durat ceva ani, am decis sa nu mai aman, sa nu ma mai mint ca "ma apuc de azi", sa fac ceva cu toate cele de-mi trec prin cap, minte si suflet. Adica sa le prind din zborul lor, sa le asamblez cumva prin cuvinte, uneori poate si stari, si sa le dau drumul pe hartie/ tastatura. Acest blog reprezinta panza mea, defularea mea, instrumentul meu de relaxare si debitat idei, ganduri, experiente si orice o mai iesi :). Imi place sa ma caut pe dinauntru, o fac in diverse feluri si utilizand varii metode; blogul este doar una dintre ele. Asadar, o sa scriu despre ce imi atrage mie atentia, de la muzica, filme, carti la episoade mai mult sau mai putin personale ... dar sa nu ne pripim. O sa avem timp sa ne elucidam vizavi de intentia & obiectivul acestui playground. Da, voi scrie si in romgleza; imi vor scapa cuvinte, chiar texte intregi in limba engleza (ok, textele nu vor fi o scapare, ci un demers deliberat :D ). Cum ziceam, la mine in curte ma joc dupa pofta inimii. Bine ati venit!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s