Latin brings people together

(The group of friends is outside once again for a cigarette break. Mark, whose curiosity over the woman with the sexy laughter has only grew bigger, is also in front of the pub enjoying a smoke break).

-You’re a grown ass 36 year-old man, Tim, what the hell are you doing on Snapchat?!?! (Liv can be heard saying). You know you’re this close to statutory rape, don’t you?

-Well, not everyone is as proficient as you in avoiding opposite sex interaction, my dear.

-I don’t avoid it … come on, I might occasionally be completely oblivious to it, but it is not something I do on purpose, at least I don’t think so.

-When’s the last time you went on a date, Olivia?

-Hmmm, let me see, starts counting on her fingers, 8 or 9 months ago.

-Dear Lord, whaaaat?

-Well, all my friends are married, with children or on their way to having children. I mostly spend time with responsible adults whose lives are pretty much settled. I don’t hang around single people anymore and at this age it is kinda hard to make new friends, seriously. Plus, I like my old friends and it’s not like single and ready to mingle people fall off from the sky.

-Excuse me, I don’t mean to bother you (man with a thick Spanish accent interferes) but could you please tell me how can I reach Covent Garden?

Olivia starts speaking to him in Spanish and points him in the right direction. As they wave goodbye to each other she keeps a smile on her face and turns back to her friends.

-Oh, God, you’re such a sucker for accents, aren’t you? (Emma, Liv’s friend, comments)

-What?!?! why would you say that?

-Well, isn’t it obvious? you fawned all over that guy just because he was speaking Spanish. You never lose an opportunity to show your Spanish skills and you bask in the moment when they tell you you sound like a native. I mean you were practically flirting with the guy, smiling and giggling and wanting to know what part of Spain he’s from and how much of a sangria fan he is.

-I wasn’t flirting with the guy, I was just being polite! that wasn’t flirting, was it?!?!

-Oh, please, if given the opportunity, you would start reciting Latin just to showcase your knowledge of the dead language.

-Oh, yeah, I’m sure there are plenty of men who are just dying to meet a woman who speaks Latin cause that really makes them go weak in the knees (Olivia imagines a conversation between a man and a woman as she drinks another glass of whiskey): “So, tell me something most people don’t know about you, my dear.” “Well … I can speak Latin, and I can also recite parts from Titus Livius’ Ab Urbe Condita.” “Woaaa, that is such a turn on, do tell more!” … trust me, it would be much easier to pick up a guy if I were to tell him the pearls of wisdom taught by my Lord and Saviour, Sandra Bullock (imagines another conversation as she’s finishing the fifth glass of whiskey, this time using a much softer and sexy tone of voice): “So, listen, I know we’re just getting to know each other but I just think you should be aware of the fact that I can bend like a pretzel!!!!”

Everyone bursts into loud laughter and Emma asks Olivia:

-Honey, are you drunk?

-Honey, I’m so drunk I could drown Liechtenstein!!!

Mark finally decides to introduce himself to the lively group and approaches Olivia.

-Good evening, I couldn’t help but notice that you have quite a wicked sense of humour and I would just like to have it known that I would very much enjoy initiating a flirtatious conversation with you. This being said, I am Mark. Good to meet you!


Wisdom imparted via way of abstinence

(outside a pub, a group of friends laughing and talking, Liv is happy to be with them and is having a great time)

– I’m telling you, some women just don’t deserve an erect dick! they just don’t!

(laughter erupts when he walks by the group, looks at Liv and seems amused by what he has just heard. He is lighting up a cigarette close to the group, intrigued by Liv. He is taking his time to analyse her, albeit discretely)

-Well, I believe you have a point there, my sweet perverted friend. (Jason replies)

-No, seriously, it is a shame that some women just mess up men and then complain about sex. They just don’t know what to do or how to approach the penis. I may not be the best person to impart wisdom about this matter, granted, given that it’s been so long that I hardly remember how one looks like, however I do remember never taking it for granted.

(laughter again)

-Whoooaa, Liv, honey, I think we need to get you reacquainted with a dick! you are the only one responsible for your current situation, let’s not forget about this. Plus, thankfully, in the 21st century one can enjoy the pleasure offered by a vibrator, no man attached to it, no muss, no fuss. (Emma interferes)

– No, no, no, no, I like my dick with some meat on it, darling! (everyone bursts out laughing). Always had, always will! no superficial, chemically fabricated appliances for this gal! (Liv finishes her cigarette and takes a sip out of her whiskey glass)

(Mark has been standing there all throughout the conversation, talking to his friends, eavesdropping on the amusement taking place nearby. ” I think I like this girl” he says to himself. “Her laughter is really sexy and infectious and she does seem quite uninhibited. She is also very attractive.” Just at this very moment Liv decides to go inside and he rapidly opens the door for her as he is standing right next to it. He looks at her and receives confirmation instantly. “She really is beautiful by my own standards. Beautiful and funny.”

-Danke, Sir! Liv tells him as she goes inside the pub.


Don Quijote si morile de vant

A fost odata ca niciodata o fata naiva care a iubit cu disperare un barbat. Ca orice fata care si-a urcat pe un piedestal obiectul dorintei si afectiunii, si a noastra protagonista s-a ales cu julituri si cucuie atunci cand a realizat ca faptele valoreaza si vor valora mereu mai mult decat niste cuvinte ambalate frumos si cu patos. Cand refuzi sa te mai lupti cu morile de vant si te dezbraci de rolul de Don Quijote incepi sa te gandesti mai bine la rolul pe care ar trebui sa il ocupi tu in viata ta si iti asumi tot ceea ce vine odata cu asta.


Pregatiri de sarbatori…

Te loveste in plex. La inceput e doar un drum ce trebuie efectuat pentru ca apoi sa-l tai de pe lista. Nu te poti ascunde si nici macar nu ai de ce sa o faci. Oricum o dai si orice ai zice, mersul in cimitir pentru a atarna o coroana ornamentala (Craciun, sarbatori, asa se face la noi, deh, cica trebuie) la crucea tatalui tau te rascoleste. Si ajungi acolo, te apuci minutios de treaba, cauti unghiul potrivit, iti repeti in gand ca atunci cand vei veni cu mama (a doua zi de Craciun, tot dupa datina) ea va analiza si va evalua succesul sau esecul demersului tau, deci must not screw up! si cand aproape ai terminat, vezi ceea ce inconstient evitai – poza lui …si te izbeste: durerea, furia, neputinta, tristetea, dorul, dorul asta nemilos si crunt…. si te pui pe plans pentru ca doar asta poti sa faci. Te-ai abtinut destul. Te descarci si apoi pleci spre casa unde te duci sa executi pregatiri de sarbatoare; numai ca tu ai vrea orice mai putin asta. Pana la urma a devenit si asta normalul tau de cand el nu mai e. Un normal ce incomodeaza si te strange la suflet, dar un normal pe cat de normal, pe atat de anormal perceput de mintea si simturile tale.